hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
