just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
