at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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