it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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