i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
