Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
