I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
