Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
