If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
