Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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