You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize