I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
