2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
