in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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