Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
