I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
