just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
