Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize