Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
