i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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