in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
