It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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