i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
