So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to get me chipped asap
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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