If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Someone signed my nipple.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
