She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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