after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
