LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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