Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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