Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
