i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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