I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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