I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
