I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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