The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
only if we run a train.
done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
