May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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