That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
