i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
