Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
