Porn is love you can see.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My ass is underappreciated
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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