I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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