Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
