And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
