the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my poor anus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
