guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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