go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
