Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
