She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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