fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
