1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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