who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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