I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
