She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
