we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize