I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
