I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
