sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
