just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
