he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
