I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
