I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
