He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize