she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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