piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize