Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
