I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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