we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
