hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
