my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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