i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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