You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
