What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
