Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
