if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
