i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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