Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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