You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
