Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
