the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
