whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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