Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
