before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
