She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
