I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
