I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
