How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
