I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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