I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
