my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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