I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
