I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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