I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize