Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize