I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
