Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
lol hangovers are for mortals.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
